Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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