I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
