fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize