I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
