just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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