hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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