I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
