i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
