I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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