Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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