belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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