He had one of those small greek statue penises
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
