Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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