I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the condom got lost in my hair
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
