Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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