found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
