Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
