he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think my moral compass just broke
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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