i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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