You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize