I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
