is your mom at the bar?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We are two peas in an std pod
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
