Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
