I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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