i was born a porn star she said
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
