You're my little dorito
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
