thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
