Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
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