With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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