party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize