The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize