How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
