Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize