What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
