so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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