booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
