Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
