I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
