She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
