I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
