Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
