I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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