That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
