He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
