Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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