Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
