So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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