My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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