I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
your like the ambassador to my penis.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I supernannyed him into submission
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
