i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
