is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
