On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize