I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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