We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
