i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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