the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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