Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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