but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
