Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I love you. Go after that dick
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
