I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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