I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize